Happiness is like thin ice

15Nov08

That’s one of the lines from Fated to Love You. Also the title of one of the episodes. Dramas can be so unrealistic and different from real life but somehow they are also a reflection of real life. How I’ve been feeling lately is so well-captured by the above title, so that’s why I decided to name this post as such.

More than ever before, I’ve been pensive in these last few months, the reason for which I don’t really know. As it is, I like to pause and think about things but when in full-blown pensive mood, I border on being emo and crazy, it’s scary.

The one big problem I have is I think too much. When I see people worry about the most trivial stuff, I always tell them not too think too much and just do it the way they see fit. But it’s something I’m guilty of so often too.

And after thinking too much, this is my conclusion:

Happiness is like thin ice.

Life is really one big roller coaster ride (not that I’ve gone on a real roller coaster ride but I can imagine how it is…)

One moment, you get so high knowing everything has gone smoothly. And then the next moment, all comes crumbling down when you find there was a mistake. Yes, things had gone smoothly, only till then. You’d be so confident things had been done well but a moment of carelessness can do you in.

Everyone faces that I guess. A good example is how the retail investors would have felt when they first found out their investments were suddenly worthless. Of course, the disappointment I feel cannot be compared to that of these people but well, it is disappointing enough knowing you have made a mistake. It’s even more sad knowing the only choice you have is to admit that mistake. Changing things and making sure it doesn’t happen again are nothing compared to admitting a mistake. I think. Cos admitting a mistake involves setting aside one’s pride and telling the person you’re addressing that you are wrong. It’s even worse when you have to admit you’re wrong and someone else is right.

Why else do I say happiness is like thin ice?

I can’t really find the reason.

I just know out of 7 days in a normal week, there are about 4 days when I’m happy and 3 days when I’m sad. There is no set pattern on which days I’m happy or sad but there’s never a period when I’m happy the whole week. I try to be happy on Fridays cos it signals the end of the week, but sometimes knowing that Monday is around the corner makes me sad. Sometimes I feel like I’m on cloud nine after playing well in my weekly badminton game only to find that we won’t be playing in the following week cos of work exigencies.

Nothing that important, you may say….but since it’s part and parcel of life and it’s something that is real, it is important. It is important because all the little threads are woven together to make a fabric called Life. So when one of the threads go out of place, it affects the whole fabric and make it look ugly. Maybe that’s why people can have prolonged bad moods. Maybe that’s why some people have that glum face each and every time you see them.

But you can hardly do anything about it. It’s made out such that you live by reacting to the situation. I dunno how the word ‘proactive’ came about but I feel the way life is structured makes us reactive people. You live each day without knowing what will happen next. Of cos I know what comes eventually but the journey ending with that eventual outcome can be arduous at times. Saps you of the energy needed to be proactive. Saps you of the zest needed to seize the day. Saps of you of the energy needed to face each day with gusto…

Seems like it’s like an emo night for me.

Just two days ago I was thrilled.

I guess it’s because happiness is like thin ice…

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Tags: life, personal, royal rAmble