Kosong Kosong

I am quite surprised the Big Four didn’t manage to get any goals last night. I’m even more surprised that Chelsea, Liverpool and my team Man United only managed goalless draws in their respective games. Arsenal aside (I’m starting to pity them but I can’t pity them too much lest they take over my team’s position in the table), haven’t the rest of the Big Four been firing on all cylinders?

Actually I knew the game with Aston Villa would not have been easy but still, no goals at all? After the brace from Ronaldo last week, we all probably thought this guy was back. But oh well, other than that effort in the early stages of last night’s game, he didn’t do much. The worse thing was I felt he was looking to be fouled more than anything else. Once or twice is okay, but if you go crying like a baby every other minute of the game, I think people can see through you. And the way he gestured to the Villa fans after being substituted later in the game was just childish of him. He really needs to keep his ego in check man…

Ok back to the question of goalless draws. The only thing I’m happy about is that my team was not the only one getting that goalless draw. I thought Chelsea and Liverpool would not have problems winning their games against Newcastle and Fulham respectively but hohoho I’m just happy the gap between them and Man Utd remains constant and not wider. When your team don’t get a result, you have no choice but to hope that their rivals don’t get their desired results too hehe.

Still, I can’t believe none of the in-form players managed to score for the Big Four. I thought Anelka has been getting the goals lately? Luckily I didn’t watch the Chelsea and Liverpool games.

I would have been so bored waiting for the goals that never came…

I am a dwarf

I never proclaimed myself to be an all-knowing genius. Even when I actually know something, I sometimes keep quiet cos I don’t like to get into arguments (some people do not like to lose so sometimes I let people win). Another reason why I keep quiet is because more often than not, I do not know how to express myself in a way that people understand. Oh man…I can’t believe it’s another emo night for me.

All because of a 1/2h car ride. Of course I’m grateful for the lift given by that colleague, but seriously I never expected to learn so much in half an hour. About family life, personal responsibility, principles, religion…Wow that sounds like a lot of ground covered in half an hour. As you chat, one thing just leads on to another and I am even more convinced that learning from people is more meaningful than learning from books and manuals. Human interaction is definitely better than me sitting here typing away what’s going through my mind haha. And having a degree definitely does not make one smarter in Life. Now that I think about it, I may just have been a bit more fortunate than others…

Turns out that nobody’s life is perfect. We strive for perfection but it seems to be a near impossible task. Even perfectionists don’t have everything going well for them, what more people like me who have dozens of weaknesses. I don’t like how my weaknesses keep showing when I least would like them to appear but sometimes I can’t control it. The thing I pray for sometimes is that people can accept me for who I am.

And by any measure, it seems like I am a dwarf. An ignorant one at that. But I can probably take heart at the fact that I’m a person who’s always willing to learn. And learning makes you richer.

So I shall continue on this learning journey and enrich myself from within.

A very rich dwarf I shall be =)

P.S. I miss the 3302 girls. I miss Trina, Angel and Huiyu. I miss the carefree life…

Happiness is like thin ice

That’s one of the lines from Fated to Love You. Also the title of one of the episodes. Dramas can be so unrealistic and different from real life but somehow they are also a reflection of real life. How I’ve been feeling lately is so well-captured by the above title, so that’s why I decided to name this post as such.

More than ever before, I’ve been pensive in these last few months, the reason for which I don’t really know. As it is, I like to pause and think about things but when in full-blown pensive mood, I border on being emo and crazy, it’s scary.

The one big problem I have is I think too much. When I see people worry about the most trivial stuff, I always tell them not too think too much and just do it the way they see fit. But it’s something I’m guilty of so often too.

And after thinking too much, this is my conclusion:

Happiness is like thin ice.

Life is really one big roller coaster ride (not that I’ve gone on a real roller coaster ride but I can imagine how it is…)

One moment, you get so high knowing everything has gone smoothly. And then the next moment, all comes crumbling down when you find there was a mistake. Yes, things had gone smoothly, only till then. You’d be so confident things had been done well but a moment of carelessness can do you in.

Everyone faces that I guess. A good example is how the retail investors would have felt when they first found out their investments were suddenly worthless. Of course, the disappointment I feel cannot be compared to that of these people but well, it is disappointing enough knowing you have made a mistake. It’s even more sad knowing the only choice you have is to admit that mistake. Changing things and making sure it doesn’t happen again are nothing compared to admitting a mistake. I think. Cos admitting a mistake involves setting aside one’s pride and telling the person you’re addressing that you are wrong. It’s even worse when you have to admit you’re wrong and someone else is right.

Why else do I say happiness is like thin ice?

I can’t really find the reason.

I just know out of 7 days in a normal week, there are about 4 days when I’m happy and 3 days when I’m sad. There is no set pattern on which days I’m happy or sad but there’s never a period when I’m happy the whole week. I try to be happy on Fridays cos it signals the end of the week, but sometimes knowing that Monday is around the corner makes me sad. Sometimes I feel like I’m on cloud nine after playing well in my weekly badminton game only to find that we won’t be playing in the following week cos of work exigencies.

Nothing that important, you may say….but since it’s part and parcel of life and it’s something that is real, it is important. It is important because all the little threads are woven together to make a fabric called Life. So when one of the threads go out of place, it affects the whole fabric and make it look ugly. Maybe that’s why people can have prolonged bad moods. Maybe that’s why some people have that glum face each and every time you see them.

But you can hardly do anything about it. It’s made out such that you live by reacting to the situation. I dunno how the word ‘proactive’ came about but I feel the way life is structured makes us reactive people. You live each day without knowing what will happen next. Of cos I know what comes eventually but the journey ending with that eventual outcome can be arduous at times. Saps you of the energy needed to be proactive. Saps you of the zest needed to seize the day. Saps of you of the energy needed to face each day with gusto…

Seems like it’s like an emo night for me.

Just two days ago I was thrilled.

I guess it’s because happiness is like thin ice…

Status Update

Haha the title of the post sounds like the subject of one of those emails I send at work, but due to the lack of a more creative title, I shall settle for this, as this post is really about what’s been happening around me for the past month or so.

As usual, I’m either busy with work, badminton or dramas. Quite sad huh? But badminton and dramas help me to destress so in the end it all balances out. What was different was Hari Raya, which just concluded a couple of days ago.

It was my first time celebrating Aildilfitri as a working adult. And why was it so different from the previous years? Haha cos it was now my turn to give out zakat to the hundreds of kids we have in the family. Previously, I was the one on the receiving end. And I realised the joy derived from giving was as much as that derived from receiving. Seeing the smiles on the kids’ faces and their thank yous as they kiss your hand is also one form of happiness.

It also felt more secure this time round. I was able to contribute financially to the family’s raya expenses so making everyone a bit more comfortable than last year was kinda satisfying too. The family comes first so it was great being able to help.

News on the global front have not been encouraging though. I’m sure everyone’s kinda disillusioned with the inundation of scary financial or economic news which makes the ordinary man on the street anxious about what’s to come in the year ahead. Although I still see throngs of people hit the malls on weekends, I seriously have no idea how bad it’ll be in 2009. I’ll just pray we all can live comfortably from day to day. I won’t ask for much, just moderately comfortable will do for the time being.

The thing is, we can’t keep worrying without taking action. If cutting down on expensive meals, shopping less and saving more is what it takes to survive in these testing economic times, then I’ll jolly well do it. I’m ok with eating at TTSH everyday (even when there’s a lot of eating joints at the malls around the area) and I have enough clothes for work and going out. The only habit I find difficult to get rid of is buying a new pair of shoes every month. It’s weird how I’m addicted to shoes. And my mum is already complaining we don’t have any more storage space if I continue buying. I really ought to get a personal shoe cabinet, just for my shoes. =)

Lastly, in times like this, it’s good to do more of activities that don’t need much money. Eating out to catch up with friends and family is good but hey doing sports trumps that anytime man. Incidentally, I just went running this morning and it was heartening to see families and friends jogging and exercising together. Also really happy to see so many people play badminton and swimming on the way back just now. Exercise keeps the brain going, so yep it’s way better than splurging on expensive meals.

Don’t really know when I’ll blog again, but in any case, I hope all my friends are doing well in their jobs or studies. December, the time to meet up with friends, is around the corner, so I shall wait patiently for that time of the year to come. In the meantime, work/study hard yea everyone!